June 29 Calendar

Some Weeks There Are No Words For

It is amazing how remarkably tough and incredibly fragile the human body is.

So many thoughts running through my head, so many words, and yet they all seem inadequate.

Thoughts on:

• The fragility and business of life 
• The sustainability of the world's human population in the cultures we've developed to support our sheer mass
• The wind roaring in the tree tops
• The sound of children laughing
• Love

And so much more.  So many words required to sort out my thoughts, and so sound and fury.

The old lady cat is taking her place in the window to bask in the afternoon sun. 

I think the only thing I can articulate succinctly right now is, srsly, fuck necrotizing fasciitis.   

Maybe Not Lost

But definitely wandering.  And there's something to be said for wandering.

Listening to the rain. I love the rain on the roof. I love being able to hear it in the leaves of the trees.  Eventually, if the first rain chain works, I should be able to hear the rivulets in the rain chains too.

So soothing, makes me sleepy.

June 15th Calendar

Some weeks are just like that.

Lost

Not really, but it's easy for me to get sidetracked away from the 'Saganist' side of my sense of awe of The Universe to the use of mythology to explore and better understand human experience.

I just came across this quote:

“The brain is a sparkling field of rhythmic flashing points with trains of traveling sparks hurrying hither and thither. It is as if the Milky Way is engaging in a cosmic dance. The cortex is an enchanted loom where millions of flashing shuttles weave a dissolving pattern, always a meaningful pattern though never a lasting one; with a shifting harmony of entrancing subpatterns.” --Charles Sherrington

For the last month? Two months?  I've been wandering around the internet late at night looking for, and even sometimes finding, information that resonates with me on Hekate.  More recently that has shifted to Athena as I have come to find that I, for the time being, have come to a sense of comfort with Hekate, and am finding that the qualities presented by Athena are areas in my life where I have need to focus some attention (strategy? civility? patterned technology? independent woman functioning in a strongly masculine sphere of influence?  Oh. Hell. Yes).

I don't actually "believe in" embodied gods/goddesses, but I find their attributes and affinities (codified social "energy"?) useful in identifying situational frameworks that enable (or are disabling and require modification, in some cases) functional behavior patterns.  Sometimes that starts slipping away from me, towards how to placate or ensure favor from something and that is simply not the relationship that I find fruitful or "awesome", in the awe-inspired sense, of my relationship to The Universe.

I am an animist, of a sort, in that every single thing that exists, exists as a unique expression of The Universe expressing itself through creativity and as such is imbued with a transitory, shifting life cycle state of being. Things are expressions of their Platonic ideal. Through this creative expression, spaces can have a genius loci, less in the literal sense of the word, but in that sense of character of a space.

Where am I going here.  I guess I'm just finding a pausing point to catch my breath, find my compass, reground to what I find literally awesome about The Universe, and what I find "merely" helpful in identifying and understanding situational anthropomorphic relationships and frameworks for best practices attributes and jumpstarting creative troubleshooting by accessing pattern libraries.  And to pause and be amazed at the complexity and the beauty in the natural world where I can crudely approximate the beauty and creativity of The Universe by weaving a recycled clothing rug for the bottom of my stairs or a silk and wool table runner, while my cortex contemplating all this has "millions of flashing shuttles weave a dissolving pattern...; with a shifting harmony of entrancing subpatterns.”

So many threads to follow here and yet, a different weaving/work project calls.

June 8 Calendar

More About The Ocean and Various Bits Of Homework

Food wasn't settling with me earlier and I'm not quite ready (and/or way past ready) for bed.

I'm having all the feels about the ocean and all the thoughts swirling around in my head.  The ocean, the edge of the world.  We drove through Olympia to get there.  The land south, but mostly west, of Olympia is so beautiful.  I remember my first week at Evergreen, first week away from my parents.  I didn't really know my roommates, maybe it was the first weekend?  Maybe it was the weekend before classes started?  I was feeling really overwhelmed and someone had mentioned that the ocean was only about an hour away.

I've always turned to driving when I need to get some space to think.  I used to intentionally drive around trying to get myself "lost", then come around to something that looked familiar and head home.  I don't get that sort if luxury with time any more.  I followed all the signs out to Ocean Shores.  When I got there, that first week of college, I saw horses, and thought that'd be fun, so I went for a ride on the beach.  The horse dragged it's feet going away from the temporary stall, as horses are wont to do.  It was a half hour ride.  It was just me, the horse, and the guy on his horse guiding.  We did a little trotting, a little cantering.  When we turned back, the horse was like, hell yeah, heading home and set off fast down the beach.  I didn't even care. I may have lost a stirrup at one point, but I think I got it back.

After that, we discovered Moclips up the beach a ways, the following year.  There were midnight trips to the beach just because we could, and it's amazing to be standing on the beach late at night.  I can't remember the last time I wore shoes on the ocean beaches.  Possibly only that first trip.  Even on trips in the middle of winter, no shoes.  The water is so cold that the feet numb up pretty quick, and then it doesn't matter.  I couldn't do that on the Salish Sea beaches, most of them -- barnacles, rocks, human detritus... I suppose eventually I might meet a piece of razor clam shell or broken glass out on the Pacific, or perhaps we'll get to a part of the beach that isn't sandy, and then I'll wear shoes... I guess.

Wading out into the water, salt water... Poseidon starts out at my ankles, splashes up my calves, edging ever up my legs.  He's cheeky, that one.  But only ever bodies of salt water that connect to the ocean.  I don't think I've ever met up with him in ponds and lakes.  Perhaps I've just never met a big enough lake...

Poseidon turned up for my warding and safety Shield exercise.  As did Athena.  There were, of course, some of the other usual suspects, but... I guess those two surprised me, and sort of didn't on retrospection.  Maybe it was in class, someone noted, 'pay attention to who shows up, those may be good candidates for building out other area of that relationship.'  Indeed... Athena has immediate resonance for many reasons, and circled through in multiple ways over time.  Poseidon, he's been a fairly playful tease, but... Dunno.  Especially given the relationship between him and Athena and it would seem women generally -- like a number of the other Olympians, not especially respectful of us, but perhaps there is something that requires further exploration nonetheless. We shall see.

Have always sort of thought of practices for these two having been sort of more official state type business than solitary, more personal practices.  Have not looked up Poseidon yet, but Athena (so far) seems largely spoken of in terms of the past.  Just means I have not looked far enough yet.

So I have started the shield.  I'm weaving it together night over night.  I am already glad of it, I have been too open to the world and it has been draining.

So many more thoughts swirling in my head.  So tired.  And as M1 says, "tomorrow morning -- it's A  Thing."  And a thing coming quickly at that.  And another full crazy week, with so much to do. Will try to take note here of what more comes of these thoughts.  But for now, I go feed stinky old lady cat and do my day end stuff.  And maybe I'll check my calendar and see if I could get away with sleeping in just a bit in the morning...