My nephew (husband's side of the family) committed suicide a week ago. Almost 24 years to the date my aunt (my side of the family) did the same.
Here is what I'm thinking right now around things relevant to this particular blog.
I think memorials and setting aside time for grieving with family and friends (blood, chosen, or otherwise) is critical for recognizing grief, celebrating a life even if it was too short, and processing loss.
And I think it's important for our kids as I... I want them to see and experience the rip in the fabric of the universe that a suicide leaves as a preventive measure. You never take that lightly again after you've seen a shattered community after something like this. As much as I hate that this is a real thing that has happened, goddamn it, I think we should absorb the result as much as humanly possible and make the repercussions and difficulties of coping as human as possible because to do otherwise is to deny the full experience of the pain of losing someone in such an untimely way. It's ok to show that this is difficult because it *is* fucking difficult. And to see people appropriately grieving in the different ways that people grieve is also important. It takes many forms and each person experiences it differently and that's also ok.
I want them to understand that healing begins with us all coming together to alleviate the alone-ness: of what we feel in the moment of hearing the news. Of what he must have felt to not be able to reach out and find the help he needed. Of the hole left in the universe where he used to be.
I know our oldest has had some exposure to suicide by students attending her school in the last couple years, but this is new for our youngest and... to see and grieve and understand the repercussions to family and community and for them both to tell people they love that they love them and to hear that back and to take part in some of the only shared rituals that happen in this mostly secular society and a family that doesn't share ritual space often is... It's really important. It's part of what it means to be a part of a community, to have a connection to people. You take part in the rituals that mark passage of both time and life both joyous and devastating.
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And so, for those reading along, say it out loud, right now:
"I promise to seek and find help if I feel like dying or killing myself. I will find resources that bring me back from the brink, no matter how awkward it feels. I will call one of these numbers:
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline -- 1 (800) 273-8255
- Hopeline -- 1 (800) SUICIDE
- Trans Lifeline -- US: (877) 565-8860 Canada: (877) 330-6366
- My therapist
- *A* therapist
- My spiritual/pastoral advisor or other resource
- Or any number of other resources, even if I have to Google them."
*Yes, I do not have comments open on this one. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers at this time, but for my own self-care, recognize I don't feel like I can appropriately respond here at this time. Thanks for your understanding.
