Monday, April 18, 2016
The Joy of Trusted Friendship
The third in the sabbats for the Sisters of Fierceness is when we have found the path, the next steps are identifying who comes on the road with you. Who are your allies, the ones you turn to in trust when the road gets complicated and rough, the ones you turn to for celebration when something good happens?
Initially we couldn’t decide whether we wanted to go with the title the Joy of Trusted Friendship or the Gathering of Allies. When you’re on the road, you need to have both at different points. Sometimes those allies are your trusted friends, and sometimes they extend beyond that circle. Our conclusion was that first you need the trusted friends, and from that point you can then call in the allies. So, this year anyway, we’re starting with The Joy of Trusted Friendship.
And who are the ones you can trust? Who are the ones you have riotous belly laughter with? Who are the ones that understand you? Who can you tell your secrets and fears to? Cry on their shoulders? Who do you sit around the fire with, arm-in-arm, singing songs, telling stories, scaring the bejeebers out of and then giggling furiously about how spooked everyone was?
What fun, what friends, as we continue on where ever this adventure is going to take us!
Cross-posted to the CAYA Coven blog as well.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
The Heroine's Journey
**cross-posted to the CAYA blog**
The Sisters of Fierceness are developing our own Wheel of the Year. We live geographically disparately and what is one person’s season might not be the same for another person. Where I’m at in Seattle, for example, we have the wet and dark season, and summer! As The Sisters of Fierceness are a group dedicated to personal development, it seemed appropriate that maybe instead of a seasonal year, we have a traveling year as we venture forth through life’s adventures.
To that end, we are developing the following Sabbats:
In early February we celebrated The Call to Adventure. In the still quiet of the February darkness, the seeds in the heart of the Earth, baby lambs, and Spring itself hears The Call — come unfurl and see what awaits in the big wide world! In fairy tales, all genders start each story hearing some Call to Adventure. And we, every day, face the world anew. Some of our adventures are big life-changing adventures, some adventures are mundane like going to the grocery store to pick up some salad greens (but check out what Jack got from a simple produce run!). What is calling you? What secret things are unfurling in your heart, starting to reach for the emerging daylight?
At the March Equinox we will be celebrating The Rite of Discernment, Refusal and Acceptance. Just because you hear a Call, doesn’t mean you have to answer it. In some fairy tales, this is built in — the rejection of the call… but the call comes again, and again, until it is accepted. Discerning whether this is a Call you want to follow is an important piece of the journey. Sometimes you need to say “no” to one call in order to answer another. Sometimes it seems like there is no choice in the matter and you’re thrown into the deep end to see if you sink or swim. In these cases, the discernment, refusal, and acceptance is less about the journey itself, but your attitude towards it. Are you working within your new found adventure with grace and making the best of what you can control within the larger picture? Or are you going into it resisting and kicking and screaming? Sometimes it’s appropriate to kick and scream! Your discernment of Right Action is critical.
We hope some of you can join us on our explorations as we follow this Journey through the year/s! We are looking forward to seeing how it develops and evolves!
The Sisters of Fierceness are developing our own Wheel of the Year. We live geographically disparately and what is one person’s season might not be the same for another person. Where I’m at in Seattle, for example, we have the wet and dark season, and summer! As The Sisters of Fierceness are a group dedicated to personal development, it seemed appropriate that maybe instead of a seasonal year, we have a traveling year as we venture forth through life’s adventures.
To that end, we are developing the following Sabbats:
- Call To Adventure (Early February)
- Refusal & Acceptance (Spring Equinox of Discernment)
- Gathering of Allies/Joy of Trusted Friendship (Early May)
- The Golden Road (Summer Solstice - Celebrating The Journey)
- Leap and Let Go (Early August)
- Challenge & Opportunity (Fall Equinox)
- Acquiring the Elixir (descent & subsequent transformation, Late October)
- Rebirth & Renewal (Winter Solstice)
In early February we celebrated The Call to Adventure. In the still quiet of the February darkness, the seeds in the heart of the Earth, baby lambs, and Spring itself hears The Call — come unfurl and see what awaits in the big wide world! In fairy tales, all genders start each story hearing some Call to Adventure. And we, every day, face the world anew. Some of our adventures are big life-changing adventures, some adventures are mundane like going to the grocery store to pick up some salad greens (but check out what Jack got from a simple produce run!). What is calling you? What secret things are unfurling in your heart, starting to reach for the emerging daylight?
At the March Equinox we will be celebrating The Rite of Discernment, Refusal and Acceptance. Just because you hear a Call, doesn’t mean you have to answer it. In some fairy tales, this is built in — the rejection of the call… but the call comes again, and again, until it is accepted. Discerning whether this is a Call you want to follow is an important piece of the journey. Sometimes you need to say “no” to one call in order to answer another. Sometimes it seems like there is no choice in the matter and you’re thrown into the deep end to see if you sink or swim. In these cases, the discernment, refusal, and acceptance is less about the journey itself, but your attitude towards it. Are you working within your new found adventure with grace and making the best of what you can control within the larger picture? Or are you going into it resisting and kicking and screaming? Sometimes it’s appropriate to kick and scream! Your discernment of Right Action is critical.
We hope some of you can join us on our explorations as we follow this Journey through the year/s! We are looking forward to seeing how it develops and evolves!
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Mystery Unfolding
I know, that was last year's Daily Practice, nonetheless, it continues. I have been granted by life a three month sabbatical in which to focus on what comes next, in the form of being laid off with 2 weeks notice & 11 week's severance.
I am trying to think big. Way bigger than I have been. I see jobs posted, read the descriptions, and realize that's me 10 years ago. I see jobs posted, read the descriptions, and... I don't know who that is. Which is ok at this stage of the game. I think. First things first, I am taking some time to be introspective & reflective of how I've grown in the last seven, ten, fifteen years. Where I have been is not where I'm going next. If I don't take time to figure out what I want, how I want to feel, and how that's changed, I won't recognize the right thing when I see it.
Lots of work -- today's thinking led to the realization that I wanted to bring the following archetypes to help me in what comes next: thinker, collaborator, storyteller, visionary. My default mode of operation tends to be thinker. In order to accomplish things, I integrate collaborator. I have other archetypes that pop in and out as well. Storyteller is one of the archetypes that has been quietly poking at me for some time. Being able to see and draw out the connecting threads of an existing dynamic, and pull them into something. I'm still learning to tell a good story, but it's coming along.
And visionary. I wanted to put this one back, but it called to be kept. And I had a slow dawning realization that I am a visionary -- often my big crazy ideas are things that will take several years to fully implement... and for the first time, I'm realizing that's ok. It's hard for the short-sighted, and short-term thinkers. What I need to do is accept that my vision is correct and focus the short-sighted and short-term thinkers on the tiny piece of the vision that can be accomplished in a span of time and sight that their minds can comprehend.
When I realized these developing archetypes, I wanted to run this past many people... and then I realized this validation that these things are true about me must be owned by me. I cannot keep looking to others for validation, for their acceptance of who I am. Just as I own my competencies, it is in my heart and a core part of who I am, so too are these archetypes.
I find myself at the heart of the flame, I find myself in my strength...
I am trying to think big. Way bigger than I have been. I see jobs posted, read the descriptions, and realize that's me 10 years ago. I see jobs posted, read the descriptions, and... I don't know who that is. Which is ok at this stage of the game. I think. First things first, I am taking some time to be introspective & reflective of how I've grown in the last seven, ten, fifteen years. Where I have been is not where I'm going next. If I don't take time to figure out what I want, how I want to feel, and how that's changed, I won't recognize the right thing when I see it.
Lots of work -- today's thinking led to the realization that I wanted to bring the following archetypes to help me in what comes next: thinker, collaborator, storyteller, visionary. My default mode of operation tends to be thinker. In order to accomplish things, I integrate collaborator. I have other archetypes that pop in and out as well. Storyteller is one of the archetypes that has been quietly poking at me for some time. Being able to see and draw out the connecting threads of an existing dynamic, and pull them into something. I'm still learning to tell a good story, but it's coming along.
And visionary. I wanted to put this one back, but it called to be kept. And I had a slow dawning realization that I am a visionary -- often my big crazy ideas are things that will take several years to fully implement... and for the first time, I'm realizing that's ok. It's hard for the short-sighted, and short-term thinkers. What I need to do is accept that my vision is correct and focus the short-sighted and short-term thinkers on the tiny piece of the vision that can be accomplished in a span of time and sight that their minds can comprehend.
When I realized these developing archetypes, I wanted to run this past many people... and then I realized this validation that these things are true about me must be owned by me. I cannot keep looking to others for validation, for their acceptance of who I am. Just as I own my competencies, it is in my heart and a core part of who I am, so too are these archetypes.
I find myself at the heart of the flame, I find myself in my strength...
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
L'Oiseau de Feu
As things often do, in retrospect it seems clear now that the cranes were not ever cranes, they were phoenixes, meant for the fire. Their/my ashes are out there now, floating around re-congealing into something new. There are about five new phoenixes starting to flutter about here and there...
What seems rare when people talk about burnout is the length of recovery time. I feel a slow heat starting to burn again, but it is hard to tell if it's simmering embers of destructive burnout or the start of phoenix rising from the ashes.
I am very slowly finding pieces of myself. I tend to rely on logic rather than feeling in assessing what comes next. I am learning that logic only takes me so far and that means figuring out these things called feelings. They're so complicated! I have also relied on appreciation of things other people appreciate. I appreciate the flavor peppers and onions bring to a dish, but I don't actually care for their texture much. But when people rave on about some onion-y, pepper-y thing that they love, I say, 'yes, that sounds good!' despite the fact that I have no desire to eat it myself. I am finding that I am curious and interested in all sorts of things, but articulating why I'm curious about something is elusive. Sometimes I find it's because it's something someone else appreciates but is sort of like an onion to me, and sometimes I find that there is no why, it just is. And sometimes the reason is clear, sometimes the reason is deeply layered.
And sometimes I find people holding space and pointing directions for a me that is not me. "You would be, I see you, you should..." And as uncomfortable as I am in my skin now, the skin they would have me wear is often as ill fitting and not anything but the perception of a me they carry in their head. And learning to discern their 'good idea' from a 'good idea for me.'
What I know is that recreating oneself, piece by piece, is exhausting work. So many assumptions that must be challenged against 'is that me, or is that a piece of someone that I have adopted?' Or 'what do I feel about that? And what's underneath that? And what's beneath even that? (Is it really turtles *alllllll* the way down?).' And even when it becomes too much, and I just lie down, the echoes in my head are a wonderland of "Who ARE you?"
And some things are very very clear. And some things are very very not clear. It's hard waiting for the smoke to dissipate. And even harder is picking through hot embers to find the pieces of resurrection. The embers are so very hot, and the ashes are so very fragile. Like it is darkest just before dawn, and coldest just after dawn, a phoenix in formation is so very fragile. Reconstituting strength and confidence is serious business, serious magic.
Perhaps it is no surprise that my favorite ballet and some of my favorite music ever is and has always been Stravinsky's Firebird/L'oiseau de feu. Working on my most complicated re-creation ever...
What seems rare when people talk about burnout is the length of recovery time. I feel a slow heat starting to burn again, but it is hard to tell if it's simmering embers of destructive burnout or the start of phoenix rising from the ashes.
I am very slowly finding pieces of myself. I tend to rely on logic rather than feeling in assessing what comes next. I am learning that logic only takes me so far and that means figuring out these things called feelings. They're so complicated! I have also relied on appreciation of things other people appreciate. I appreciate the flavor peppers and onions bring to a dish, but I don't actually care for their texture much. But when people rave on about some onion-y, pepper-y thing that they love, I say, 'yes, that sounds good!' despite the fact that I have no desire to eat it myself. I am finding that I am curious and interested in all sorts of things, but articulating why I'm curious about something is elusive. Sometimes I find it's because it's something someone else appreciates but is sort of like an onion to me, and sometimes I find that there is no why, it just is. And sometimes the reason is clear, sometimes the reason is deeply layered.
And sometimes I find people holding space and pointing directions for a me that is not me. "You would be, I see you, you should..." And as uncomfortable as I am in my skin now, the skin they would have me wear is often as ill fitting and not anything but the perception of a me they carry in their head. And learning to discern their 'good idea' from a 'good idea for me.'
What I know is that recreating oneself, piece by piece, is exhausting work. So many assumptions that must be challenged against 'is that me, or is that a piece of someone that I have adopted?' Or 'what do I feel about that? And what's underneath that? And what's beneath even that? (Is it really turtles *alllllll* the way down?).' And even when it becomes too much, and I just lie down, the echoes in my head are a wonderland of "Who ARE you?"
And some things are very very clear. And some things are very very not clear. It's hard waiting for the smoke to dissipate. And even harder is picking through hot embers to find the pieces of resurrection. The embers are so very hot, and the ashes are so very fragile. Like it is darkest just before dawn, and coldest just after dawn, a phoenix in formation is so very fragile. Reconstituting strength and confidence is serious business, serious magic.
Perhaps it is no surprise that my favorite ballet and some of my favorite music ever is and has always been Stravinsky's Firebird/L'oiseau de feu. Working on my most complicated re-creation ever...
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Towers at the End of the World
Here is the story I told around the campfire at the End of the World festival. Before I get to that, you all should know, strangers are welcomed warmly, there is whiskey, a fabulous bonfire, and story telling at the end of the world. <3
Once upon a time... there was a woman -- as she was out walking one day, she saw across a field a tower. She was seized with a desire to climb the tower, so off she strode across the field.As she walked, fear and self doubt joined her. "It's too tall a tower, you can't do it. Why would you even want to try? Who do you think you are anyway, climbing a tall tower like that? This isn't your field, you know. You are probably trespassing." As she walked, and they harangued, she had a realization that all the gods, the goddesses, the heroes that walk into battle with fear and mayhem and chaos... they may not only bring those things with them to aid them in the battle, they may also be feeling these things in their own hearts. She said to fear and self doubt, "You can come with me, but you're riding shotgun and you are to aid and abet MY interests now." They simmered down a little at that, having been recognized and allowed to accompany her. Now and again at a bump or a dip in a field they'd pipe up though.
She reached the tower and went in. At each step she took, she folded a tiny paper crane (one tiny crane goes on the fire). Each 1:1. Each team meeting. Each meeting with a boss, with product and program managers (starting with handfuls of cranes on to the fire), each presentation, each company meeting, each meeting with directors, each meeting with vice presidents, each step all the way to the top of the tower.
At the top of the tower she stepped out into the air. In the far away distance she could see another tower. Or maybe it was a mountain, at this distance it was hard to tell. Between here and there it was only fog. She couldn't see the bottom of the tower over the edge, nor the lands that lay between her and the next tower.
And then the staircase on the inside of the tower started crumbling. As it fell, she realized she couldn't go back the way she came up. And then the outside edges of the tower started crumbling. She took a deep breath and stepped off the edge of the tower (all the rest of the cranes go on the fire at once). It is unknown whether all the cranes set free eased her landing with the lightness of their wings, or whether, untethered, they flew off into the sky. As she hit free fall, she sang her people's daily practice:
At the edge of the world, I gaze at the moon
Light and shadow reflect light and shadow.
My heartbeat is magic, mystery enfolds me,
As I am blessed, I bless the world.
Monday, November 16, 2015
ALL THE WORDS
I have had ALL THE WORDS lately. It's been sort of awkward. I go from not having words, to having so many that it overwhelms me and is possibly sort of overwhelming to be on the receiving end of. I'm writing everywhere. Here, my old blog, my journal, a reflection practice, a gratitude practice, a side-project I'm working on, a couple paper and pen journals...
The need to prioritize all the words, so that I convey the most important information first, so I convey only what is necessary because there is not time for it all, is hard -- I don't always know what the most important things are until after I've started emptying my teacup. My teapot is spilling all over the floor -- no mere teacup can hold it. Again I hear the echoes of any number of people -- 'you're too much! What am I going to do with/about you?'
I need to learn to step into and own my multitudes. If I am to be too much, then accept my bigness and don't try to cut me down into something manageable for your tiny minds! I AM LARGE, I CONTAIN MULTITUDES. And yet... and yet, I don't wish to overwhelm. It is a conundrum, no?
The need to prioritize all the words, so that I convey the most important information first, so I convey only what is necessary because there is not time for it all, is hard -- I don't always know what the most important things are until after I've started emptying my teacup. My teapot is spilling all over the floor -- no mere teacup can hold it. Again I hear the echoes of any number of people -- 'you're too much! What am I going to do with/about you?'
I need to learn to step into and own my multitudes. If I am to be too much, then accept my bigness and don't try to cut me down into something manageable for your tiny minds! I AM LARGE, I CONTAIN MULTITUDES. And yet... and yet, I don't wish to overwhelm. It is a conundrum, no?
“Trust me, I'm telling you stories. ... I can change the story. I am the story.” ― Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body
Sunday, November 8, 2015
The End of the World
At the end of November, I am doing the End of the World event with the Wyrd Sisters. "Workshops on storytelling and the Tarot will be part of the festival experience." I received an email yesterday saying,
Redefinition of self, no longer the hot destructive flame of burn out, but the long slow simmer of transformation, picking things one or two at a time from the crucible of personal alchemy and examining it -- is it part of the crucible, or is it part of the stuff the crucible contains? What happens at the end of the world, which world? Am I the container? Is the world the container? Or is the world the stuff in the container? Does the crucible itself come to an end?
I'm sure I'll have more thoughts to come. This is just what I'm thinking about this morning...
To start getting ready, if you so desire, in your meditations start contemplating the world’s end and (optionally) rebeginning. Contemplate legends and myths about the beginning and end of the world, and how those relate to your life. What are your own stories around the end of the world?Worlds are ending and beginning every day right now, new æons beginning. Each death brings with it the realization that each day brings the need to define a new "normal" -- and with quiet reflection of loss, there are some holes that simply can't be filled. Space. New space to breath into. And even the universes collide, the spiral dance twists in on itself, then out again.
Redefinition of self, no longer the hot destructive flame of burn out, but the long slow simmer of transformation, picking things one or two at a time from the crucible of personal alchemy and examining it -- is it part of the crucible, or is it part of the stuff the crucible contains? What happens at the end of the world, which world? Am I the container? Is the world the container? Or is the world the stuff in the container? Does the crucible itself come to an end?
Abide - dissolve - continue.
Calcinate - dissolve - separate - conjunct - ferment - distill - coagulate.
Teacher, in compassion, bless me. Bless me that I may cut the illusory visions of the bardo. Bless me that I may reconnect to emptiness and awareness.The end of the world is now. And now. And now. And now. And the beginning of the world is now. And now. And now.
I'm sure I'll have more thoughts to come. This is just what I'm thinking about this morning...
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